i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
