so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
