Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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