i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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