I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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