Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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