the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
