I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
