So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize