i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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