Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
