I bet he comes in French.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
