Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
