I murdered the dance floor call the cops
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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