Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she peed on how many people?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
