apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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