Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
