You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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