Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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