He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
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The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
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I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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