the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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