my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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