We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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