Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Randomize
