k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
