Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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