when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
