How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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