I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
