By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
