No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
