There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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