I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
