Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
