Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
