I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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