My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
