My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
