I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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