Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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