If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize