I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We were destined to go to rehab together
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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