dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
