She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
