i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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