dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
