oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
