ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
