I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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