I could make wine with my vomit
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's gonorrhea incarnate
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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