take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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