Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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