Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My feet surprised me
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