I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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