just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize