You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
