What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
