Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I wish you could order shots online.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
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Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
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Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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