dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
