I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
