I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
