who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
