As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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