know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
So. Much. Porn.
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