All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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