So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
