I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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