we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
