Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
