Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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