Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
