It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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