New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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