You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
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I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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