life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
